The depths

Today I have bottomed out motivationally, physically, mentally, and energy-wise. I am soo tired today, I can't concentrate, and I haven't done much in the way of productive work. I know what the problem is, but I currently don't have the will power to fix it.

There are the nagging aches and pains that I'm afraid are previews of upcoming full blown injuries. I have these pains on the inside front of my lower legs that don't go away when I run and I am afraid are more than just sore muscles. If I have a serious injury now my marathon hopes could be over for a while and this whole ironman train might come screeching to a halt. If ironman doesn't happen this year, it might not ever happen, because soon it will be kids and other family stuff taking up enough time that I'll be lucky to do a training run or two a week. Not that those days will be bad, I can't wait to have kids, but I don't think toddlers and 5 hour bike rides go together.

I know I have been eating miserably lately. Though I have no motivation, I do have a lot of work to do, or at least a lot of time that I have to be here at the office. That translates into meals eaten out of a sack instead of good-for-me stuff. I know I could make better choices, like I said I know what the problem is.

Today's eating:
3 life savers
12 potato chips
1 footlong sub sandwich
lots of diet coke with lime
1 package of little chocolate donuts
1 quart (that's right, quart!) chocolate milk

Now that's discipline!

Tomorrow is supposed to be a 20 mile training run. A huge mountain to climb even if I'm feeling well and healthy, but my runs this week (all 8 miles of them) have been lethargic and uninspired. If it was just lethargy, I'd feel confident that I could finish tomorrow with just lots of guts, but if my body is on the verge of injury, I'd hate to push right over the edge to injury. I just don't know.

It's almost 5, choir practice starts in a bit and I'm not ready for tonight. Except for all of that I'm doing great.

Last week's run mileage total - 30.19 miles - lifetime record for me
This week's run mileage total (mon-wed) - 8.06 miles
Weight still at 220

-Fat ironman